From my heart

Writing from my heart, that i promised to do...I know, i havent done that lately (not all the time). Maybe because i was too afraid to look at my heart, myself! And kind of still are.

 

Maybe, if I just write...without thinking...I can see me, too.

 

Sitting here, at chair..laptop in my lap

I listen my heart. I wanna hear!

I know, there´s something that i need to realize

Something i can see

 

I feel pain, anxiety. Why? I dont know, or more like, I dont see. Theres something i need to change in me...in my life. Too afraid? Unhappy for some results, disappointed the way i have done few things.

So, disappinted in me? Or am I keeping me too tight..forgot to have fun? What is fun..

 

I know, those things are up to me..It´s just...i really dont know, how to cut this -must do now- feeling..I havent have fun lately. No. I have some sort of serious time, or am I serious because I am tired? I dont know..

I need to have fun..need to laught..want to be near my love..sometimes, i feel that everything and everyone are so far! Or am I so far...

 

I dont have passion to take my camera and go somewhere..lost it last week..passion.

All things looks like same, allthought they are not. Oh, dont take me wrong! I can sit all day in rock and look butterfly to play..listen birds, just love nature.

 

But. I feel that for me..i´m a ghost..invisible. I have encouraged myself for so long..now..feel like left under truck. No energy to create..all seems similar to me. House, furniture,,me...

Like, i have fall in black hole, and just accepted it. Sitting in this chair....

 

 

Thinking now, what i wrote...am i depressed? A bit..but more, I´m tired. I think. Sometimes, fighting alone all battles can be hard..and i havent even saw that! Really, I have just walked..do what has to be done. Not asking: how are you? From myself.

 

Or, what i want? Another good guestion. Few things i know: this project, super me. I dont know why, but somehow it feels important now. And love. That i know. XXX. I know, i love writing. Photography Those i know. From there...i know, i want more...something? But what. There´s a thought...and puzzle.

I dont know, if this makes any sense? It´s like me now...Confused...
I promised, to be honest here, and now I am..:)



Hmm...maybe, those guotes has point..something to think about to me, hope for you too. If you feel same, or just a thought...

With love
Maarit


Stay strong, Oklahoma

So sad..I heard from special person at first, now from radio..stay strong  <3 lot´s of power for all of you!!!!!

with love

Maarit

Words can and will hurt

I just HAVE to open a little. About human..ok..womens small croups. Like i have said, i have this project. Getting me in shape again. Or even close ;) . And this croup of pro´s is awesome!!! Really, that is. But then... there´s this smaller croup of womens, who put one croup on their own. And that´s good, to encourage and to be able to talk etc....so far so good.

But. Why ther´s always BUT! :D First came few women, they are this core of that croup. Actually, another croup had to be done because there was huge drama in first croup.

Ok, nasty part was, that those few core women bullied one...and i just cant stand those kind of people, woman or man!

I started to stay in shadows, just mostly reading. But, some people just can be so naturalistically! If you dont agree, or hype me, i dont play with you. Wow...and grow ups. ;)
It really dosent matter to me, who things about what about me, way too well cooked.

But, someone CAN hurt. And that´s not good. At all. Sometimes (always!) Is good to think, how we treat others. Really think.

If you are in forum, full of your virtual friends...and use it badly...ignoring or being cruel...in "real" world you can end up to be alone...And I dont mean that in bad way, it´s just... like in schools..croups has power to do good...but, also way too much bad.

Like i said, i read those things time to time...and actually..those gave me such a great idea for a book. Characters. You rally never know, where you can find that inspiration!

Let´s be good to each others and treat good people in your life...even those you cant stand. That gives you more energy to do something positive for yourself.

 

 

With love

Maarit

 

ps. sorry about all mispellings...thunder is in the air and my head is real barometer...au :)